Not Without You
by Wincesteriffic Kaz
Summary: Dean prays to Sam before risking everything to deal with Death for his brother's soul. Drabble Tag to 6x11 'Appointment in Samarra' Dean/Sam


**Title:** Not Without You…

 **Author:** Wincesteriffic Kaz

 **Info:** Dean prays to Sam before risking everything to deal with Death for his brother's soul. Drabble Tag to 6x11 'Appointment in Samarra' Dean/Sam

 **Author's Note:** Ok no naughty here really but I've had a piece of a scene in my notes for months, since the last time I watched 6x11 'Appointment in Samarra' and I had this Wincesty mental image of Dean praying to Sam rather than God before he does the whole temporary death and deal with Death thing. Lol Angsty as fuck drabble to tide you over until the next entry in the BYC verse. :D

 **Graphic depictions within.**

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own 'em but if I did…they'd never get dressed. Heh heh heh

~Reviews are Love~

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"Gimme a minute before we do this." Dean watched the doctor nod silently and leave the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He sat on the edge of the exam table and looked out the grimy window to the world outside. He took a couple deep, steadying breaths and then reached into his jacket, into a small pouch he'd sewn inside of the larger pocket.

His fingers nimbly caught on black cord and he pulled out the little bronze amulet he had so carelessly discarded a long time ago. He rolled the heavy amulet in his hand, remembering how he'd found it in Sam's bag shortly after discovering his brother was minus one all-important soul; the way Sam had shrugged it off saying he didn't really see a reason to keep the stupid thing but obviously the rest of him had at some point. Dean had taken it then, not wanting it anywhere the husk of Sam. Because that's all he was; a shell. It was Sam's body and Sam's voice but nothing more.

Dean rolled his eyes in disgust at the memory of the one time Sam's soulless self had offered to continue their, as he called it, illicit and incestuous relationship.

 _"It's just sex, Dean." Sam had shrugged and given him a wide, fake smile. "Although, I'm not as interested in bottoming as your Sam was." He'd brushed the pads of his fingers over Dean's scruffy jaw and chuckled when his older brother had jerked his head away._

Dean shuddered. Just the thought of sex with him, with that version of Sam was repugnant but damn he missed his brother... his lover.

"I know you're gonna be pissed at me, Sammy," Dean said softly into the quiet room. His voice was gravelly with emotion and he cleared his throat, looking steadily down at the amulet. "But I'm gonna find Death and he's gonna deal with me. I ain't takin' no for an answer. I can't..." Dean stopped and blew out a breath, closing his fist around the amulet and looked out the window again.

"I can't just keep living with that soulless bastard 'cause I know." Dean swallowed. "I know, Sammy. Sooner or later I'm gonna have to put him down like a rabid dog and I swear the moment that happens, the next bullet's mine. And if God is even paying attention, he'll let me follow that ride to the cage right down to you. I'd rather be screaming in hell with you, little brother, than spend the rest of my life up here alone."

Dean sniffed and scrubbed a hand over his wet cheeks, rubbing moisture out of his eyes while the horns of the amulet dug into his palm. "I know you can't hear me down there." He smiled. "Hell, maybe you can. You've always been my heart and soul so maybe; just maybe, there's some little piece of me down there with you and little brother... I'm coming. I know what you told me. And I know what I promised." Dean stood and leaned an arm onto the window with a soft, angry thump. "Can't believe you though I'd just let this happen. You really think there's anything I wouldn't do to save you? The world can fuck itself, Sam, if you're not in it."

The wind rattled the pane against Dean's hand and he leaned back against the table again. He opened his hand to look at the amulet once more and the red marks in his skin from how tightly he had squeezed it. "I'm only whole when you're around. Even if you're livin' a slice of apple pie normal without me. Even if I know there's someone else's lips where mine belong... someone else's hands on skin that belongs to me."

Dean growled softly at those thoughts and closed his eyes. "Fuck. You're gone, Sammy. You're gone and you left me again and I can't. I just can't."

"Dean?"

Dean turned and saw the crazy, quack of a doctor sticking his head in the door. He wiped off his face again and quickly put the amulet back in his pocket. "Yeah. Yeah. Let's do this," Dean said gruffly. He pushed up and sat on the exam table, swinging his legs up so he could lie down.

"It's worth it," Dean muttered and smiled. One way or another, he was going to see _his_ Sammy again.

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 _The End_.


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